Week Six Picks

Well, four of the teams with little to no identity: Cardinals, Bills, Panthers and Bengals-(well, the Bengals have a loud-mouthed identity-not necessarily a playing identity) have the week off to get some things figured out. Or not. I don't really know what these people do in their spare time.
Let's try some picks this week, maybe there won't be as many upsets and I won't pick below .500 like I did last week. Ouch.

The Craptastic game of the week goes to:
Raiders @ 49ers
Blarg. Really? This game is going to exist? Okay, some say that it will be the perfect game for the 49ers to get their first win of the season against the other loser California team. But you know what? I think Tom Cable and the Raiders are more scared of Al Davis than Singletary is of getting fired by Jed York. I think the Black Hole comes in and takes the win.

Not Craptastic but not Fantastic:
Chargers @ Rams
The Rams have a talent shortage in their secondary, and Sam Bradford can only carry this team so far. The Chargers should be able to outscore the Rams if they don't have another special teams meltdown. Either way, both teams are carried on the shoulders of their QBs. I think the veteran QB comes out with the win.

Browns @ Steelers
This game will be the debut of two QBs in the regular season. Rookie Colt McCoy will get to struggle with the wonderful offensive line that Mangenius has assembled for him. And the Steelers get Big Dope back. Awesome. I still don't see why his suspension was reduced from six games to four-I personally could have gone this game and the next without seeing him and felt wholly better about the sport of football.
But the Steelers win. It is Mangenius they're facing, after all.

Chiefs @ Texans
The Texans showed up to beat the Colts in Week One, the Chiefs tried like hell to beat the Colts last week but didn't pull it off. Since Week Three when the Texans gave up the state rivalry in a major loss to the Cowboys they have lost their stride. I don't know if they'll have it at home in this game or not-but the Chiefs will come in with their same old underdog confidence. Chiefs win.

Lions @ Giants
The Lions put up a huge win last week, but I don't think it will be enough to compete against the G-men who are starting to turn things around for themselves. Hakeem Nicks is just playing too well and Coughlin may have figured out the play calling for this season.

Falcons @ Eagles
Mike Vick is excited to be playing in this game against his former team. I just don't think anyone can recover that quickly from having their cartilage separated from their rib cage. While he may play for a time, I don't think he'll last all game and Kolb will have to try to put points on the board. The Philly D also got burned last week in their win against the 49ers, and I don't think they'll be able to handle Roddy White and Tony Gonzalez this week. Plus, the Falcons actually have an offense unlike the Eagles' previous opponent. Falcons win.

Seahawks @ Bears
I cannot wait for the Bears to actually go up against a team that will give them trouble. The Hawks could if they were playing at home in Qwest Field, but they are a very different team on the road. Meanwhile the Bears continue to pat themselves on their fat backs after lucky wins against the Lions in Week One and the self destructing Pack in Week Three. Although the G-men's 9 sacks on Cutler in the first half of Week Four sort of made up for those two gimmie wins, I still think the Bears will have another gimmie win this week against the Seahawks. And Cutler is still a douchebag.

Saints @ Bucs
I don't foresee a repeat of the Super Bowl champs this year-they are definitely not the same team. The Bucs defense looks as though they've improved but they've played against the likes of QBs: Jake Delhomme, Matt Moore, Charlie Batch, and Carson Palmer. I think Drew Brees exposes the defense for who they really are this week. Saints win.

Jets @ Broncos
I picked the Broncos in Week Four to beat the Titans and they did. Screw the Jets, I'm picking the Broncos to win this week. They played tough against the Titans and the Ravens and Denver is painting the town orange for Sunday. The Jets will come in thinking they've got an easy win with their passer-QB combo in Santonio Holmes and Mark Sanchez. Ol' Wink Martindale will be up to the challenge in creating our defensive schemes. And Orton and our receivers will be able to take advantage of the Jets weak secondary.

Cowboys @ Vikings
Thirty other fan bases will enjoy the outcome of this game as one of these overrated teams goes to 1-4 and the other goes to 2-3. Both coaches are schmoes, Romo is overrated and Favre should have retired as a Packer and stayed retired as a frickin' Packer, any chance he had of a legacy has been wasted by his dramatic retirement and injury antics and now apparently someone out there has pictures of his meat stick on their phone. Amazing. I can't stand either of these teams at the moment, but I guess I'll take Wade Phillips and the Boys over Chilly and the Kings.

Colts @ Redsk!ns
Shanahan lost 6 of 8 games to the Colts and Peyton Manning when he was coaching the Denver Broncos. Those Broncos teams were also built better than the Sk!ns conglomerate he's just started working on. While the Colts are slowly fading, I think they'll come in to FedEx Field and take the win.

Titans @ Jaguars
The only thing potentially exciting in this game is that everyone in the AFC South is tied at 3-2. This game would decidedly give the edge to one of those four teams. I think the edge will go to the Titans this week as I just don't see the good David Garrard showing up three weeks in a row.

Fantastic Competition (hopefully) goes to:
Dolphins @ Packers
While the game is at Lambeau Field and the Pack have been playing well-they may be missing Aaron Rodgers this week and Nick Barnett probably for the season. I think the Fins will win this one simply because they are healthier.

Ravens @ Patriots
This week we'll see Aaron Hernandez emerge in the Patriots' passing game and some more shots of Tom Brady's freaky long hair. We'll also see the Ravens' defense continue to scare anyone on the offensive line of any team. Yet the Ravens' offense has struggled putting up the points, and the Pats haven't. Patriots win.