Week Five Picks

Three of the four teams heading into their bye week come in on a loss, at least the Dolphins, Steelers and Seahawks have a week to lick their wounds and come back strong. The Patriots beat the Dolphins handily, so this week is probably more vacation for the veterans and workouts for the rookies. By the way, if the Steelers had a bye in Week 5 anyway, and Worthlessburger's suspension hadn't been reduced from six games to four, he wouldn't have returned to the NFL until Week 7. I still think it would have been appropriate and it's not as though the Steelers are hurting without him anyway, they are 3-1.

Anywho, the craptastic games of the week go to:
Jaguars @ Bills
Besides running across a facebook group this week that wants the Buffalo Bills to be renamed the Buffalo Bison and finding that completely ridiculous, hilarious, and redundant, that's about all this game inspires for me. The Jags show up to play once in awhile when they are at home, and the Bills are due for a win since they are 0-4 and this is one of the teams they can actually beat. Bills win.

Rams @ Lions
I think both teams have improved since last year, but I also think they are still at the bottom of the NFL. The Lions have played as competitive as the Rams, but they are 1-3 while the Rams are 2-2. Also, the three games the Lions lost have been one score games, and all of them have been on the road. I take the Lions at home.

Buccaneers @ Bengals
The Bengals win ugly, and lost uglier last week to the Browns. I think they play with a vengeance this week and take it out on the Bucs. Bengals win at home.

Falcons @ Browns
The Falcons haven't showcased themselves this season like they did in 2009 and Mangenius is still the head coach of the Browns. I think the Falcons will be able to edge out a win, especially since Delhomme is likely to play at QB for the Browns.

Not craptastic but not fantastic:
Broncos @ Ravens
I think if Denver had a running game then they may be able to get something done against the Ravens. Alas, the offensive scheme relies solely on Orton's arm and his merry band of receivers. I don't think Baltimore's defense is going to give ol' Ortie time to find the open man down field. I guess I have to pick Baltimore.

Chiefs @ Colts
The Chiefs are coming off their bye week and a fun-filled 3-0 start. The Colts are 2-2 in their division and a game behind the Texans. I don't think Peyton Manning will let this game get away from him at home and though I'm rooting for the underdog, I think the Colts will get it done.

Bears @ Panthers
I laughed heartily each of the nine times Cutler was sacked last week (in the first half of the game). This week the Bears are playing QB Todd Collins instead and they're facing the rookie Jimmy Clausen. I think this is a must-win game for the Panthers since their 0-4 start and I think Clausen can outplay Collins. Panthers for their first win of the season.

Giants @ Texans
The Texans had no problems beating up on big brother Manning in Week One, and I'm sure they won't have a problem beating up on little brother Manning in Week Five. The Texans are solid on all sides of the ball and will probably make it to the playoffs this year. The Giants have some relief since their win last week at home against the Bears and won't play as aggressive as they can. Texans win.

Saints @ Cardinals
The Saints have lost their 2009 mojo, and the Cards are starting their rookie QB Max Hall after things didn't work out so well with Derek Anderson. (Gee, who didn't see that one coming.) I think Brees gets the job done in the desert. Saints win.

Titans @ Cowboys
The Titans aren't the team everyone thought they would be and neither are the Cowboys. The Boys are coming off their bye week rested and maybe, just maybe, Wade Phillips has figured out that he isn't in Kansas anymore and that he's in the Big D coaching football. (Well, the coaching part may be stretching it as lost as he's looked as of late.) I think Phillips and Roschmoe get it done at home since Chris Johnson doesn't have an offensive line to run through.

Chargers @ Raiders
The Raiders are the same old Raiders and Philip Rivers still haunts me. I think Rivers' passing attack will win out over the Raiders in the Black Hole and Tom Cable's job security for an entire season starts hanging in the balance. (Read Emperor Palpatine-er, I mean Al Davis, will not be pleased.)

Eagles @ 49ers
This game just about made it to the craptastic section because of the 49ers. But everyone is still holding out hope for them simply because the rest of their division is at 2-2 and these are the 49ers that everyone said would dominate the NFC West. I still think the Eagles come in to Candlestick and take home the win. (Yes, even with Kevin Kolb, Philly fans, he was your starting QB before Vick's first game of starting QB that resulted in injury. He can get the job done.)

The sort-of fantastic section of the week goes to:
Packers @ Redsk!ns
I think if the Sk!ns actually show up to play this could be a good game. I still think that the Pack is motivated enough to pull out the win though.

Vikings @ Jets
Coach Chilly thinks that if he gets as many veterans on his team as possible he couldn't possibly screw up the win, right? Wrong, Chilly, you still need to coach you bald weirdo. And no matter how big Randy Moss is or how high his jump or how long his reach, he still can't save Favre from throwing those INTs. Repeatedly. The Jets will be more than happy to pounce on the #4 who came in for four months and just as quickly retreated. Especially with Calvin Pace and Darrel Revis back in the game. Jets win.